How to Build a Strong Relationship with Your Thesis Advisor?

I’ve touched on this several times previously just how important your thesis advisor is to your graduate school experience. If it seems like I revisit this topic a lot, it’s because I can’t emphasize enough just how pivotal this relationship is. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: your relationship with your thesis advisor shapes your entire Ph.D. experience and the remainder of your career thereafter. 

Your advisor will likely be your ultimate resource when you’re encountering issues with your project. It is to them, principally, that you will answer regarding your direction and progress. How much clout and prestige your advisor has within their field will determine what opportunities will be available to you after grad school. It’s paramount that you get this right.

However, there’s more that goes into having a successful working relationship with your advisor than simply choosing the right one. Every relationship takes work - even the good ones. Even the best advisors are likely to be demanding and, yes, even frustrating. After all, academia itself is demanding and frustrating, so don’t expect to be spared, even under the best of circumstances. But what exactly does a good working relationship with your thesis advisor take? How do you find a good one? What are the qualities you should look for in an advisor?

Let’s begin with selecting an advisor. There are lots of different kinds of mentors (see my previous article on the healing power of laughter via grad school comics). Which one you gel with is going to be largely a matter of your own personality. Some people do better with a close, intimate relationship where they can - and are expected to - meet with their advisor weekly to discuss progress and receive feedback. Others find that kind of dynamic suffocating and prefer a more detached, periodic check-in system, being left to govern themselves more autonomously in the meantime.

There’s also the matter of personal chemistry. Do you do better with someone more straight-laced and matter-of-fact or with someone with whom you can joke around? Getting along with your mentor is just as much about personal alignment as professional.

Beyond making sure that you click with your mentor on a personal level, however, there are a host of logistical issues to take into consideration, perhaps the chief of which is financial. Does your mentor actually have the funding and capacity to take you on board? If you’re in a program where you’re paid a stipend, then, under most circumstances, once your mentor takes you under their wing, they become financially responsible for you.

Can they actually make that commitment? You would think that you wouldn’t even be able to rotate with that mentor were they unable to do so, but I’ve rotated with more than one advisor whose ability to take on a grad student was contingent upon this or that funding proposal that was submitted but not yet secured.

Others are new faculty who are still on their startup funding; if that runs out and they haven’t secured new funding, you might find yourself left out in the rain. During your rotation (even before, if you’re able), be sure to have a candid conversation with your mentor about funding and what are their realistic prospects for taking on a graduate student.

Now, let’s say you’re past all that - you’ve found a mentor you like, doing a project that, hopefully, you find engaging and interesting. How do you maintain that relationship? It may sound callous, but probably the single most important factor in maintaining a good relationship with your mentor is your own productivity.

A steady and appreciable work output can cover a multitude of deficiencies, whereas a paucity of progress can strain even the best relationships. Note that I didn’t say working hard, per se. You can work twelve hours a day, but if you aren’t getting results, it won’t mean nearly as much as someone who works nine-to-five but churns them out like an assembly line. Also, even if you are the most productive member of your team, don’t think it gives you a blank check to do whatever you like. Your turnout may be important, but it isn’t everything.

Unfortunately, getting results isn’t as simple as working hard. As I just alluded, you can grind yourself to a nub and still have little to show for it. In fact, there are likely to be periods where this becomes the case. In these circumstances, it’s important that you communicate your difficulties with your mentor. Don’t try to conceal your setbacks, and don’t be afraid to ask for help. Do be detailed in how you document your problems, however, and be very methodical in how you go about troubleshooting them.

When hiccups in your output occur, it’s crucial that you demonstrate to your mentor that you are, in fact, trying your best to work through them and get back on track. Also, be conscious of overwork. If you find your work deteriorating, it could just be that you’re overloaded. This can happen during crunch times, such as when facing deadlines.

It can undoubtedly be tough asking your mentor for a break (perhaps not even feasible, depending on what they’re like), but if you’ve had a good run so far and only lately has your quality of work begun to suffer, your mentor is much more likely to be okay with slackening the expected pace if feasible (sometimes, though, deadlines are deadlines, and you’ve just gotta knuckle down).

Building off this last point, simply looking like you’re staying busy and being productive counts for a lot. Results are vital, but even if you are being incredibly generative, if your advisor never sees you, much of your hard work can get overlooked. Moreover, you can bet that if suddenly that pipeline of productivity stops for whatever reason, your perceived absence will be the first thing that will be blamed in your advisor’s mind.

Don’t be a ghost in the lab/office - that is, working from home a lot, working the night shift instead of regular hours, etc. I used to joke in grad school that being early for work was showing up five minutes before the boss arrived. Your advisor is only human, and if they never see you working, they’re likely to suspect that you aren’t.

In addition to the above points, the same essentials go into maintaining a strong relationship with your mentor as into any other relationship: honesty, respect, communication, etc. At the end of the day, regardless of what your advisor is like, they’re just like you - a person, probably beleaguered and overwhelmed, just doing the best they can in an incredibly tough and demanding field. Recognize and respect that; try to find one that does the same for you, and everything else will hopefully fall into place.